The Mistakes of an Angel
by queen.kate.16
Summary: *First Story* All Castiel wants is forgiveness from Sam and Dean. He just doesn't know how to get it. Takes place in season 7. Differs from canon a little. Tiny bit of Destiel. Please read author's note. Oneshot


**The Mistakes of an Angel**

 **AN: Hi, this is my first ever story that I've written. I had to write it for an English project so the plot line of Supernatural had to be explained. I tried my best to write what happened in canon but I might have gotten stuff wrong. Please let me know if you can think of any thing. Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome but please don't be mean. Also let me know if you see any grammar mistakes or anything of the sort and I'll do my best to change it. I did differ from canon a bit just so it would fit with my idea. If you think I need to make it a different rating as well, let me know. Thanks! I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Supernatural!**

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Castiel should have expected the reaction he was going to be greeted with once he landed in the Winchester's motel room. But he had learned to become optimistic, thanks to the aforementioned brothers. So after the initial shock that ran across Sam and Dean Winchester's faces when he "appeared" (they should know by now that what he does is fly; he is an Angel of the Lord after all) in their motel room at precisely 4:03 p.m. in Columbus, Ohio, he had not braced himself for the negativity that filled the room once it sunk in that Castiel was there. Sam and Dean simply stared at Castiel for a few moments, amazed that he would have the guts to simply appear to them, as if it were any other normal day, after everything he had done. But along with Castiel and his expectations of his arrival, the Winchester brothers should have taken into consideration that Castiel does not fully understand human emotions and "social norms." And therefore would not understand that after what would be betrayal in the eyes of Sam and Dean, one does not simply appear and pretend that everything is normal.

"What are you doing here Cas?" the malice that seeped out of Dean's voice surprised Castiel. Sam's shoulders locked into a slightly defensive position.

"I came because I have become aware of your recent hunt and wished to help." Castiel stated.

"Help?!" Dean practically shouted then scoffed, "After everything that you did, you really think you can just poof in here and expect everything to be alright?"

"I thought that was how humans started to forgive each other; they helped one another." Castiel replied.

"Cas, we don't trust you, much less like you right now." Sam's voice was calmer but there was still the layer of anger in his tone.

"Leave" Dean commanded.

"But-" Castiel took a slight step forward.

The second his foot moved, Sam's hand twitched, like he was preventing himself from grabbing his angel blade that was sitting just out of his reach.

Castiel froze. There had been times that the Winchesters have raised their weapon against him. There had even been a time when Dean stabbed him in the chest. But that was a while ago. Castiel thought they trusted him now. It was like he had been stabbed in the chest once more, only this time with a weapon that could actually hurt him. So he did the only thing he thought of. He flew away.

Castiel landed in a place familiar to him. He was sitting on the same bench in the same area he was in when he was talking to his Father, looking for direction on his decision of working with Crowley, _the King of Hell_ , in an attempt to gain more power. The snow had long since melted, revealing all sorts of colorful flowers; like a rainbow growing from the ground. The trees were green and lively, gently blowing with the breeze that Castiel could feel against his face. The bright green moss was a stark contrast against the dark wood. The small pond that was frozen the last time he visited was now flowing freely. Everything looked beautiful; untouched like no human had disturbed his Father's creations. But the sun wasn't shining. There were grey clouds hovering in the sky, making everything just a bit bleaker.

The bleakness reminded him of how his life had been going lately. After his Father had brought him back to life when Lucifer had killed him, Castiel had felt useless. Before he had died, Castiel was "running out of mojo" as Dean had put it. His grace, what made him an angel, was practically gone. He was one week away from being human. Castiel only had himself to blame though. He had been the one to rebel from heaven, from his brothers and sisters, for two humans. He abandoned all he had known, all he had believed in, for Sam and Dean Winchester. And because of that he began falling; he began losing his grace. It was slow but Castiel could feel it. He was weak. He could hardly heal and fly. He had to be admitted into a hospital like a regular human. He was sure he was the laughing stock of heaven. When the final showdown with Lucifer and Michael came, the most he could do was molotov Michael with holy fire. But almost immediately after that, Lucifer had killed him with a snap of his fingers.

When his Father had brought him back to life, He had made Castiel more powerful than before. He was a seraph now. His Father had trusted him and believed in him enough to give him more power than he had before and a better status. Castiel had felt like his Father was actually here with him at one point, like he had done something right for once in his long life. There was a short period where he felt that he could actually make a difference on Earth and in heaven and help people.

That quickly changed. When Castiel returned to heaven after Lucifer, using Sam as his vessel, was back in his cage with Michael and Dean had gone off to be with his ex-girlfriend Lisa and her son Ben, he had big plans. However, his other brother, Raphael, had a different idea. Raphael had decided that he wanted to run heaven now and with Raphael's rule came the apocalypse 2.0. Despite having fought a seemingly endless battle that cause too many loses for Sam, Dean, and Castiel's liking, Raphael felt it necessary to pick up where Michael left off. Thus starting a civil war in heaven. It was Castiel, who some of his brothers and sisters now looked up to because of the high importance seen to be shown to him by their Father, versus Raphael, who was an archangel that had the majority of heaven and heaven's power on his side. Castiel was severely outnumbered and overpowered.

After losing the war for a few months, Castiel became desperate. He despised feeling helpless especially when it came to something as important as preventing the end of the world once more and protecting those he considered his real family, Sam and Dean. With being desperate came being reckless. Castiel tried to obtain Heaven's Weapons and even sent his brother Balthazar back in time because he thought it would help. But nothing worked or helped on a major scale. Eventually, when Castiel was running out of options and about to go to Dean for help, Crowley offered to help him.

In a war for heaven, it is not looked upon very well to go to the King of Hell for help, but Crowley was a businessman, or business-demon, and with the right price, would help Castiel out significantly. Again, Castiel was desperate. Crowley also had resources that Castiel didn't, the kind of resources that one could use to win a war. However, the resources weren't what one would consider very "heavenly." But that didn't matter anymore.

Crowley's plan was to open Purgatory. Purgatory is where all souls of monsters go when they die. By opening Purgatory, Castiel could absorb every soul that was residing in Purgatory, which would give him enough power to rival even his Father. With one thought or snap of his fingers, Raphael would die and the war would be over. There wouldn't be any unnecessary deaths and there would be no more threat of the world ending. It was the perfect plan except for the fact that he had to hide his dealings with Crowley from Sam and Dean.

Castiel thought that he hid it pretty well. It was hard and there were many times when Castiel thought that he had let it slip. Thankfully, he hadn't. Every time he lied to the brothers, he felt dirty. He had lied before but it was never to people he cared so much about. The only thing that was keeping him going was the thought of succeeding and being able to tell the Winchesters. Getting the weight off his chest was the light at the end of the tunnel.

But then the Winchesters discovered he was working with Crowley. It was a stupid mistake. He made a pop culture reference he had heard Dean use when he was spying on them. Castiel should have thought about what he was saying. He doesn't know any pop culture references and Sam and Dean know that. Castiel thinks it had something to do with the 50,000 souls Crowley gave him in advance. They clouded his mind. Castiel's breaking point was when Sam, Dean, and Bobby (the Winchesters' surrogate father who Castiel also considered part of his family) left him in a ring of holy fire with a storm of demons coming. Castiel had told them to run but the look in all of their eyes, especially Dean's, was heart breaking. There was no trust and no friendship, only anger and betrayal.

After that, Castiel didn't care anymore. He would do anything to save the Winchesters, even break the wall in Sam's mind that was keeping him sane. That may seem counterproductive, but it would hold Sam, Dean, and Bobby off long enough to open Purgatory and receive the souls. Once he did that, he would have enough power to fix Sam's mind so he didn't even need the wall.

The moment Purgatory was open and the souls were being transferred into Castiel, his mind was no longer solely his own. He could feel it, but it was more obvious in the way he would blackout and end up somewhere else. Occasionally, he would wake to find his hands, coat, or surroundings covered in blood. Sometimes there would be bodies. There would be times when he wouldn't blackout and he could see himself killing innocent people such as preachers and a congregation. Eventually he was enough of himself to realize he needed Sam and Dean's help to stop the madness he was creating and becoming.

Castiel is thankful that the Winchesters contacted the horseman Death to have Death kill him. Though Death did not kill Castiel, he later told the brothers that Purgatory could be opened once more and the souls sucked out of Castiel. Without that knowledge, the Winchesters and Bobby could have never helped Castiel and he would have most likely ended up killing them.

Despite the negative feelings towards Castiel, Sam, Dean, and Bobby helped Castiel to rid himself of the souls and his insanity. Castiel thinks that has more to do with their duties as hunters than their feelings towards him.

Nothing ever goes to plan, however, as every hunter knows so well. Just when Purgatory was closed again and all of the souls were returned. It turns out that a breed of monster that came long before humans and are nearly indestructible were still inside Castiel. When all of the souls were being sucked out, they managed to hang on. They call themselves the Leviathans. They completely took over Castiel.

The only thing they managed to accomplish was escaping, thankfully, as Castiel's vessel was too weak to contain the Leviathans and it started to deteriorate. The Leviathans used Castiel's body to reach a nearby lake that was connected to pipes. Once within the lake, they left Castiel's quickly failing vessel and spread out into the water supply. When they finally left Castiel, he felt so free he could have sworn he was flying. His mind was finally his own as well as his body. But his body was weak. So weak that after the brief moment of relief Castiel felt, he fell unconscious.

Sam, Dean, and Bobby had all followed Leviathan Castiel to the lake and seen what had transpired. They saw how the Leviathan spread into the water and Bobby made a comment about how now that they're in the pipes, they can be anywhere and get anywhere. Dean was hardly listening. He was too focused about where Castiel was in the lake and if he was okay. Dean was extremely pissed at the dude and had lost a serious amount of trust in him, but he still cared for him.

So Dean had stood there, holding his breath with his muscles tight, waiting for any sign of Castiel. A few seconds later, Castiel's head bobbed above water just enough to see the top of it. Dean almost didn't see it because the color of his hair blended in with the color of the lake. The second Dean did though, he ripped off his shoes and jacket, tossed his phone and the Impala keys to Sam, and dived into the lake. The ice cold water bit against Dean's skin and the thought that a Leviathan could still possibly be hiding in the water rang through Dean's mind but he didn't care. He had to make sure Castiel was okay.

He swam to Castiel, grabbed onto him and lifted his head above the water. Castiel's eyes were closed and there was some water pouring out of his mouth, but he was breathing. Dean kept Castiel's head above the water and swam them both back to dry land. Bobby and Sam helped Dean get Cas out of the water and then Dean stumbled out of the lake. Bobby and Sam laid Castiel down on the ground and Dean kneeled next to him. They all waited impatiently for a sign that Castiel was still alive. Too much time passed before Castiel started coughing up water. When he did, they all sighed in relief. Not too long after, Castiel opened his eyes and crocked out "Are they gone?"

Dean responded, "Yeah, for now they're gone."

Castiel smiled, happy that it was over for the moment. But then reality set in for the rest. They still couldn't forgive Castiel for what he had done. He had lied to them, betrayed them, made Sam go insane, and worked with one of their worst enemies. Sam was still feeling the effects of no longer having the wall in his mind. He was seeing Lucifer everywhere and more often than not he would think he is still in the cage with Lucifer. Lucifer wouldn't leave him alone either. He never shut up, never left him alone, and was extremely loud at some points. It was a wonder that Sam was still functioning. Dean, Sam, and Bobby couldn't forgive that so easily. That didn't mean they didn't care whether he lived or died however.

Therefore, when the Winchesters and Bobby deemed Castiel well enough to be okay on his own, they left. It may sound cruel but Castiel could fly anywhere so it wasn't like they were ditching him on the side of the road. He was still angel as well which meant he could defend himself. They hadn't heard from Castiel since then until he had appeared in their motel room.

Castiel had used the two weeks between the event with the Leviathans and today when he finally visited the Winchesters, trying to build up the courage to speak to the two brothers. He would often fly into their room or the Impala, invisible, and watch them. He liked to check up on them and make sure they weren't too injured.

He knows now that he went about visiting the Winchesters the wrong way. He shouldn't have just "appeared" and expected everything to be okay. He feels like he should have known from being around humans so frequently and watching over them that forgiveness typically isn't given automatically by showing up. After reflection upon what had happened and what he has done, Castiel leaves the beautiful garden and begins to do what he knows he can do with no error, heal people.

Another week passes of Castiel being on his own and not disturbing the Winchesters. During that time, Castiel flew around the world and found as many people as he could to heal. For him, it felt like with every person he helped, he was making up a tiny sliver of what he had done. It was refreshing to feel that way. Sam and Dean had completed their latest hunt and moved onto the next, per their usual. Both of them would randomly think of Castiel but would get angry and force themselves to think of something else, more so for Dean than Sam.

It was exactly 1 week 5 hours 4 minutes and 52 seconds from Castiel's last visit to when he made another visit. This time it was only to Dean. As Castiel had made clear to the brothers before, Dean and Castiel had a "more profound bond" than Sam and Castiel and therefore Castiel thought it would be better to talk to Dean alone than to both of them at once or even to just Sam.

Sam was at the library vigilantly searching for information about his and Dean's latest hunt and Dean was sitting on his bed in the motel room, nursing a beer and watching the newest episode of Dr. Sexy M.D. when Castiel visited again.

"Gah! Cas! How many times do I have to tell you to not do that!" Dean shouted at Castiel when he "appeared" in the Winchester's motel room, almost spilling his beer on himself in the process. Castiel smiled a bit, he missed hearing that. Dean's annoyance towards Castiel quickly turned into anger once he got over his shock.

"Get out" Dean growled at Castiel.

"No"

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean I'm not leaving until I get a chance to explain my side of things"

Dean sighed. He knew it was useless to attempt to get Castiel to leave so he wasn't going to try. "Fine," Dean said, "Talk" and he got more comfortable on his bed.

Castiel sat down on a chair across the room. "Working with Crowley wasn't my first choice" he said. Dean scoffed but kept his mouth shut. "I needed help Dean and he came to me before I managed to reach you"

"That doesn't make it okay Cas" Dean interrupted.

"I know. I regret everything that I've done. I did not understand what I was dealing with."

"You're telling me"

"Dean-"

"No Cas. You worked with Crowley. Crowley. How low can you be to reach that? Was it not low enough to come to me and Sam? What made you want to do this in the first place?" the volume of Dean's voice raised with each question, "You killed innocent people! You made Sam go insane! For what reason? None! You broke my trust Cas! How am I supposed to look at you in the face and believe that what you're saying is the truth!"

"Because I've learned Dean!" Both the man and the angel were now on their feet. "I realize what I did was wrong! I realize that I should have come to you and Sam! I made mistakes! I'm not perfect!"

"Oh I'm fully aware you're not perfect! You've messed up enough times to prove that! But this time you went too far! I can't forgive you for what you've done! Get out! And I mean it this time!"

"Why can't you forgive me?" Castiel pleaded. He was losing the only family he had.

"GET OUT!" Dean shouted at Castiel once more. Castiel stood there for a moment before flying away.

The second Castiel disappeared, Sam walked in. He had been listening to the entire argument from outside the motel room. "Dean" Sam started.

"Don't" Dean commanded before going to the refrigerator, grabbing another beer, and sitting down to watch Dr. Sexy M.D. once more.

A few hours later, when Sam was sure that Dean had calmed down, he brought up the topic again. "Dean" Sam tried to get Dean's attention. Dean ignored him. "Dean" Sam repeated with annoyance in voice.

"What?" Dean snapped.

"We need to talk."

"I've done enough talking for today, thanks." Dean turned back to looking at the laptop.

"No. You need to hear this." Sam persisted.

"Fine Sammy. What do you want to say?" Dean relented.

"I heard your argument with Cas which I'm sure you're aware of. Now, I don't quite trust the guy right now, but you barley gave the guy any room to talk. I also think that you were a little too harsh with him. He made a good point about making a mistake. We make mistakes all the time. Hell, I drank demon blood behind your back with that demon Ruby and you forgave me. What makes Cas so different? He's our family is he not? I mean the dude almost died and after we decided he was okay, we left him. Would we ever do that to Bobby or each other even if one of us made a mistake like that? We've both been a little too harsh with him. Cas genuinely sounded like he was sorry, not some fake crap that he was pulling with us when he was working with Crowley."

"What's your point Sam?" Dean questioned his brother.

"My point is that I think we need to call him down and start to forgive him. I'm not saying we automatically go back to the way we were. I'm just saying maybe we should both work on trying to understand where other people are coming from."

"And when did you have this revelation? Because when he popped in a week ago, you seemed just as pissed as I was. Hell, you even wanted to reach for your angel blade." Dean retaliated.

"I've had time to think Dean and I stand by what I said. I know you know I'm right."

Dean remained silent and Sam knew he had gotten through to his brother. Sam left Dean alone to think and continued reading his book.

The next morning, after Sam had returned from his morning run and Dean had drank his coffee, Dean grumbled out, "You're right"

"I'm sorry. I didn't quite hear you. Can you repeat that?" Sam said smirking.

"You know damn well what I said. I ain't repeating it." Dean replied annoyed.

"So you know that we actually have to talk to Cas now right?"

"Yeah. Just give me a minute. I want to finish my waffles before I get into anything with anyone"

Once Dean had finished his delicious waffles, he sighed and said a quick, "Cas, get down here"

A few moments passed and Castiel "appeared" with the usual, "Hello Dean." He turned his head and saw Sam as well. "And Sam" Castiel nodded towards the taller man.

"Hey Cas" Sam replied. Dean didn't say anything.

Sam nudged Dean. "I called you down cause we want to talk with you" Dean said with a sigh.

"We want to apologize for how harshly we've been treating you." Sam continued on.

"Sam made me realize that no matter what you do, you're still family and need to treat you like it. So doing stupid shit and making mistakes shouldn't mean the end of our relationship with you."

"We're ready to actually listen to what you have to say about what you did" Sam finished.

And so Sam and Dean sat on their beds and Castiel took a chair nearby. Castiel explained how useless he felt around Lucifer and with Raphael. He told them about how Crowley had propositioned him before he got to the Winchesters and about how he was going to tell them once he had fixed everything. He finally told them about all his struggles with Raphael. He explained that he made a mistake but he had learned from it. He promised he was never going to do it again, how he learned he needs to trust Sam and Dean with his problems and to never leave them out of it. His overall explanation was heartfelt and he showed rare emotion besides anger. It was the first moment since Castiel had started his dealings with Crowley that the brothers knew that Castiel wasn't lying to him.

When Castiel was finished, Sam and Dean sat there in silence for a moment before Sam said, "Next time, come to us first"

"I will" Castiel promised.

"I forgive you, but Cas, you have to realize that it's going to take a while for us to be able to fully trust you again" Sam continued.

"I understand Sam" Castiel replied.

Both Sam and Castiel looked at Dean who hadn't said a word. "Would you mind giving us the room Sam?" Dean finally spoke.

"Uh…yeah. I'll see you guys later" Sam responded before grabbing the Impala keys and leaving the room.

Once Sam was gone, Dean stood up and walked closer to Castiel who stood up as well. They stood less than a foot apart. "You stupid son of a bitch. Coming to us was the first thing you should have done."

"I'm sorry Dean. I-" Dean kissed Castiel, effectively cutting him off. Castiel welcomed that familiar feeling of Dean's lips against his own.

"Never do that again." Dean whispered against Castiel's lips once they broke apart.

"I won't. I promise." Castiel whispered back.

And after that Castiel knew that even though he didn't have the Winchester's complete trust at the moment, somehow everything would be okay.

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 **AN: Congrats on making it to the end! Please don't forget to review (nicely please)! I hope you guys are doing alright! If not, I hope things get better!**

 **.16**


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